Reading Rainbow

That's actually a picture of my "finished" stack next to my bed --->


So, I'm not sure if anyone has noticed, but on my side bar over there I've been reading books like mad--like MAD...and I'm not even just changing out the titles to make it seem like I'm a totally voracious reader. I really am reading--and finishing, I might add--all of those books. Wow! Are you not impressed by how super-smart I am?

I have to make a confession, though. I'm cheating. While I am reading (and finishing!) all of those books I've been listing, all of them are books I had half-read already and then put down because I have the attention span of a grasshopper sometimes. I have instituted a new reading plan for myself. I call it the "If-it's-listed-on-my-blog-then-I-must-finish-it-before-picking-up-another-book Reading Plan."

It's working out great! So far I've read (finished reading--whatever) three whole (half--whatever) books! I also am feeling very smart and accomplished. Me am such a well-read person!

Anyway, I just wanted to put that little disclaimer out there so as not to lead anyone, mostly myself, into any delusions of grandeur. I like to put humility out there, you know, so everyone can see how self-deprecating I am.

Unicorns Demand Reparations for Injustices Suffered at Time of Flood

Photo of a Unicorn taken in the
Garden of Eden ---->



So, on Sunday night, I went to my small-group Bible Study/Social-fun-hanging-out-good-time. JT had to leave early to go to dodgeball, so I stuck around because I didn’t have anything else to do and because I like talking to the people in my group. They’re really fun and genuine and always good for some laughs. Anyway, so we were just sitting around, having a second round of hot dogs and watermelon and shooting the breeze when Molly brings up the topic of Awana and what they’re currently teaching the kids (for those of you who don’t know, Awana is a para-curricular children’s Sunday School-type program that basically replaced RA’s and GA’s). Molly said that she overheard an Awana teacher teaching the boys and girls that there were dinosaurs on Noah’s Ark, that the grown-up dinosaurs were too big to fit on the ark, so instead they took the babies and that’s what “they” are referring to (I guess the authors of the Bible?) when “they” talk about “Behemoth” and “Leviathan” later on.


Okay.


What the effing eff??!?
Are you kidding me? Are we being serious? I mean, seriously, can we be seriously serious?

I understand that they’re trying to fill in the Creationist gaps in a way that makes God seem cool to 7 & 8-year olds (who love love love anything to do with dinosaurs) but I think what’s more important is that we should be teaching our kids that sometimes it’s okay to not have the answers to difficult questions. Is it that by not having the answers we somehow feel that God loses a little face? If anybody answered “yes” to that last question, let me let you in on something: God don’t need our help in being and maintaining awesomeness. So, instead of making up something completely UN-Biblical (and teaching it as fact) based on the mere mention of two words out of context, shouldn’t we be encouraging future generations to actually look for the real answers themselves? And, even then, what about the unicorns?? How come the dinosaurs just happened to make it onto the ark, but the most magical creature of all missed the boat? I would much rather have Creationist evidence for beautiful, wondrous, magical unicorns than some stupid giant lizards.

I do have a personal theory on the extinction of unicorns that is based in the Bible. I believe that the unicorns actually did make it onto the boat. When the ark finally landed on dry ground after 150 days and the waters had subsided, Noah opened her up and let all the animals roam free. As Noah and his family stood there praising God, a rainbow appeared in the sky as God’s promise never to flood the world again. Just then, the unicorn was seen galloping across the sky on the rainbow. Noah was so grateful to God that he immediately snatched the unicorn from the rainbow and sacrificed it to God as a burnt offering. And that, boys and girls, is why we don’t have unicorns today. And if anyone here has ever seen a unicorn, it’s because, if you remember, there was one other unicorn on the ark and unicorns live for eleventy billion years. The end.

I have to go. I have an appointment to speak at Awana in about 15 minutes.